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Jo's story


I am a single, gay female. I found a sperm donor  through a website called [Content removed to maintain anonymity] - like a dating website for sperm/surrogates/co-parents. I had come out of a 5 year relationship the previous year - we were due to get married and didn’t plan to have kids. When that ended I was approaching 30 and started to think about what I wanted from my life. And I realised I had a strong desire to be a mum - I had just ignored it as my ex didn’t want kids.

I chatted to a few potential donors before finding the one I used. We met in person for a coffee before making any final decisions, and signed a legal agreement looked over by a lawyer. He  seems a lovely, genuine guy that just wants to help. He and his wife have chosen not to have kids, and she is happy for him to donate. One potential donor was choosing not to tell his wife as he didn’t think she’d approve - and that was an instant dealbreaker for me! I would meet my donor in a hotel (he lived close enough to drive to, but too far to take sperm home). I chose a hotel closer to him. I’d wait in the bar with a juice whilst he left a pot in the room for me. I got to see him drive away before I inseminated. Used big chain hotels too for anonymity. I felt safe doing it this way as I wasn’t alone with him. I brought a friend the first time but eventually just went alone.

I tried for 4 months - sometimes twice in my fertile window. I’m now 37 weeks pregnant and I’m excited to meet my baby boy! I was always aware I might have to resort to clinics/IVF/IUI etc in the future, but I’m glad financially I tried this first and it worked. I hardly spent any money apart from the hotels and syringes/pots from [Content removed to maintain anonymity]! My donor is having no involvement, as agreed before beginning. My friend did the same and sends her donor a photo on her son’s birthday each year. There are so many options this way. The only thing I asked was if he could write a letter from his point of view, which I can show a child in the future, just with some facts about his background and his motivations for doing this. Yes, there are risks, but I like that I met him and got a good idea of his personality and background rather than just knowing some basic genetic information a clinic may give.

I have a lot of support from my family, especially my mum. Everyone in my life has been so happy for me, I haven’t had any negative reactions to having a baby on my own. My main source of support is a private instagram account I made to connect anonymously with others in the same position, which has been great and I’ve made some good friends and watched their journeys too :)

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