What I Wish I’d Known Before Starting My Online Sperm Donation Journey
- Jul 31
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 4
Written by Anastasia in collaboration with the recipient action research group
When I first started looking into online sperm donation (OSD), I was simply trying to complete my family. As a single mum of two, I wanted one final child. Along the way, I met people with very different reasons for choosing OSD: single women wanting to become mothers, couples facing infertility after sterilisation, and same-sex couples wanting a more personal, less clinical route to building their family. While our reasons were different, many of our experiences were surprisingly similar.
Like many people, I first discovered OSD through social media, documentaries and online searches, before joining Facebook groups and specialist platforms such as Just a Baby, and later Pride Angel.
One participant told me she first became interested after “seeing a documentary about people who had used OSD to have a child”, while another couple found out about it through “a Google search and Facebook”.
Taking part in this research project also introduced many of us to other recipients on the same journey, something that proved invaluable. It also gave us the opportunity to work together as the Recipient Action Research Group to create a free welcome pack, Online Sperm Donation in the UK: The Basics.
We wanted to bring together reliable information, practical guidance and the lived experiences that we wish we’d had when we first started.
The reality of online sperm donation can be very different from what you expect. Some of us found kind, genuine donors who have become a positive part of our children’s lives in agreed, non-parental ways. Betty shared that she found “a donor that was exactly what I was looking for”, and her daughter now knows him simply by his first name, while his mother has happily become “a bonus grandmother”. Stories like hers show what can happen when expectations and values align.
Others, including myself, found the online environment far more difficult to navigate. I was honestly “pretty horrified by the culture of the Facebook groups and also by the Just a Baby app.” There are some wonderful donors out there, but there are also many with hidden agendas, financial motives, or those using donation as a way to pursue sexual relationships. As a single woman, I found the power imbalance particularly difficult and have often had to take breaks from searching for a donor because I became so discouraged.
Finding someone whose values, expectations and practical circumstances matched our own wasn’t always straightforward. Elizabeth and William described the challenge as “finding suitable donors not too close to home and who were like-minded and matched the characteristics and donation method requested.” Mary and Lisa also found that “everything you see online isn’t true - there are many mixed messages and it’s hard to know what to trust.”
If there’s one lesson all of us agreed on, it’s this: know your boundaries before you begin. Betty’s advice is simple: “Do your research. Don’t give into pressure to go against your boundaries.” Elizabeth and William echoed this by saying, “Set out boundaries at the beginning and stick to them.”
Looking back, I would also encourage anyone considering OSD to request up-to-date STI testing before progressing with a donor, rather than relying on old screenshots, and never feel that you have to commit to the first person you speak to.
Most importantly, remember that you are not alone. There are people navigating the same hopes, disappointments and decisions as you. As Mary and Lisa said, “I would love people to know that they’re not alone.”
That sense of community is exactly why we created Online Sperm Donation in the UK: The Basics. Written by recipients in collaboration with researchers, the welcome pack has been designed for anyone considering online sperm donation, as well as partners, family members and professionals who want to better understand the process. We hope it gives people access to clear, trustworthy information, helps them feel confident in setting their own boundaries, and reassures them that they don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
Connecting with others who understand the unique challenges of the journey has been one of the most valuable parts of this research. Online sperm donation can feel overwhelming at times, but with good information, strong boundaries and the right support, it is possible to find a path that is right for you and your future family.
To get our Welcome Pack out into the world we printed business cards with a QR code leading to the digital publication. We've been busy distributing them around our local areas (see below!) and hope they find their way into the hands of those who are curious.
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